Desiree's Desires, Inc.Aging changes our bodies, but it doesn’t have to destroy our sexuality. 
I must admit I am only 34 years old, have a vibrant sex life, and sell sexual enhancement pleasure products for a living. I have no first hand personal experience with sexuality and aging (haven’t hit menopause yet!), but I help people everyday work through their sexual wellness problems including those who are aging. The great thing is despite aging people can still be sexual, have deep intimacy with their partner, and engage in great sex. Obviously, sex and sexuality is different as we age but it doesn’t have to go away if you don’t want it to.
Authentic Sexuality v. Sexual Dysfunction
I recently went to the Sexual Health Expo (S.H.E.) in New York City. I went to a seminar led by sex therapist Dr. Chris Donaghue. During his lecture, he really captured my attention about sexuality and the aging process. While he wasn’t focused entirely on this connection, it certainly clicked for me. More specifically, he discussed authentic sexuality in a sexually dysfunctional world. In other words, our society has suppressed sex and sexuality for so long that we get “weirded out” by some sex stuff that may give others pleasure, but is typically defined as “dysfunctional” or not normal. What is “normal” sex anyway? Aside from illegal behavior, such as pedophilia, who the hell are we to tell others what to do in their bedrooms (kitchens, living rooms, playrooms) if it makes them feel good? Because our culture is so over obsessed with sex or the idea of what sex should be, we tend to put people into sexual categories and label them as dysfunctional if we don’t understand their sexual desires and/or behaviors.
The Natural Way to Maintain Sexuality while Aging
Dr. Donaghue gave an alternative assessment of this whole thing, and I walked away with a more complex outlook on sexuality and the aging process. His talk really brought many things into perspective for me as someone who interacts with aging adults and sexuality everyday. We all talk about “aging gracefully.” The same concept can exist for our sexual behavior as we age. What I mean by this is men and women live well into their 80s and 90s now. Our life expectancy is no longer 50 years old. Maybe men aren’t meant to have erections until they are 80. Maybe women aren’t supposed to produce vaginal fluid until their 80s. As our body’s age, we are constantly trying to strive for what we used to have. How about we change that conversation and talk about moving forward in a positive way. You can maintain sexuality while finding intimacy in different ways. Our bodies change over time, our sexual desire levels may vary, and our ability to perform the way we used to may be compromised during the aging process. This doesn’t mean we can not experience intimacy. More importantly, it doesn’t mean we are sexually dysfunctional. It could just be our bodies aging. Our bodies telling us we need to change things up. You don’t have to take the little blue or pink pills, you don’t have to have penetration to have sex, and you certainly don’t have to lose a connection with your sexual partner because our bodies aren’t the same as they once were. We must all remember that regardless of age, the number one thing we need to engage in with our sexual partners is communication.
If you are interested in learning more about this topic, please pick up a copy of Dr. Donaghue’s book, Sex Outside the Lines. I’m very much looking forward to reading it.
I find this an interesting topic, and I want to learn more about it. Do any readers have suggestions? Books, articles, personal stories? Please share.