Desiree's Desires, Inc.Gag gifts are just not that sexy. 
Customers call us to ask if we have gag gifts. Our answer is always, “not really, but what are you looking for?” We always try to help even if that means ordering something special. Below we have a list of what people are usually asking for, but in general you can not get a cheap gag gift in this industry. They just do not exist and the quality is awful for the money you have to spend. Outlined are some suggestion that will get you the laugh, but provide functional pleasure as well. Plus, we don’t find sexual health, wellness, and pleasure to really mesh well with gag gifts. We do have Bachelorette items and some boobie sippers in the back room for parties. However, for the most part, we promote sexual enhancements and pleasure products. After all, sex toys, lotions, lubes, and sexy potions keep us all very happy!
The most common gag gift asks:
Most people don’t realize that when they ask for a certain gag gift, they don’t actually want it. It’s really no good and most importantly, not cheap. The days of finding a crappy sex toy that is $10 or less are gone. We certainly don’t stock this stuff, and would never recommend anyone waste their money.
♥ Blow-up Dolls: These are really bad quality. The one pictured on this post, for example, is only 2′ tall, and is vinyl or PVC. Plus, it’s not cheap at about $20. If you want one that is halfway decent and life-size, you need to spend at least $40. Let’s face it, no one wants to put out that kind of money for a crappy joke gift. You’re better off getting something nice like a hand stroker for $25.
♥ Clone a Penis: Wouldn’t it be fun to make a mold of your penis? Yeah, no! First and foremost, it’s very time-consuming. Secondly, it’s a big fat mess. The molding material is not easy to use or clean up. Plus, they range from $25 to over $100 dollars. I don’t know about you, but I’d take a Doc Johnson dildo any day over this entire messy situation.
♥ Over-sized Dildos: While we completely understand some women want a little extra length and/or girth, on occasion people want to buy super-sized dildos – 18″ long with 8″ inch girth – as gag gifts. They do make super-sized dildos, but once again they are not cheap. Pipedream’s 12″ King Cock dildo with balls and 9.5″ girth is about $120. Is that worth the “gag?”
What can you give someone instead of a gag gift?
When people come into the boutique asking for a gag gift, we often try to steer them into buying something that is truly functional a/k/a pleasurable. Let’s face it, the gag gift can sometimes cost more than an actual sex toy, so why not invest in a gift that someone may actually use? Instead of gag gift, these are the gifts we would suggest for the following events:
♥ Men’s 50th Birthday: Over-the-hill for men sometimes means it’s harder to keep it up. Knowing that, you can “joke” by giving him a gift that if he chooses to use, could actually help. You’ll still get the laugh at the party, but that night he could put actual good products to use. Most importantly most of these suggestions are around $10.
- Cock Rings
- Stay Hard Cream
- Penis Pump
- Herbal Enhancement Pill
♥ Women’s 50th Birthday: Over-the-hill for women sometimes means her vagina is all out of sorts. Perhaps her libido is slowing down or her clitoral sensitivity is lessening. Maybe she pees when she coughs. All of this is so common; sometimes funny. Instead of the gag gift, get her something that will actually help her out. Best part is all of these items start in the $20 range.
- Clitoral Gel Stimulation
- Petite Vibrator
- Kegel exercisers
♥ Young Men’s Birthday: When you are 20 something and want to get your single buddy a sex joke gift for a few bucks there are actually functional gift you can give. Instead of that stupid blow-up doll that costs way more than you have to spend, try getting something that your buddy can use when he’s alone. Don’t let him use his hand all night.
- Stroker
- Lube
- Butt Plug
♥ Young Women’s Birthday: Often times young women in their 20s are trying to explore their sexuality. Why not help your friend out, especially if they have never had a sex toy before, and get them something that can aid their exploration.
- Bullet Vibrator
- Pheromone infused body glitter/fragrance
- Beginner Handcuffs
Plus, you can always just buy a big huge suction cup dildo and stick it to the window of your friend’s Dodge Ram! Don’t laugh, we have had a couple of guys do this over the years. The best part is the suction is so darn good on the Basix dongs that one guy drove around with it on his truck for days. Hysterical.